Healing Trauma is a lifelong journey that requires self-awareness, honesty, self-love, and an understanding of your triggers. It’s not about focusing solely on the part of you that needs to be healed, but rather about bringing understanding and compassion into this space. By approaching it with awareness, you create the opportunity for growth, acceptance, and transformation. Healing begins with understanding, not just viewing yourself as a problem that needs to be solved. The path isn’t linear; it’s filled with ups and downs, valleys and false summits. At times, it may feel like you’re moving backward, especially when emotions resurface or you recall events that you may not have thought about in years. But remember, you’ve already taken the most important step: the desire to face it.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
― Rumi
- Write yourself a detailed apology from the perspective of whoever hurt you
Find a quiet space where you can sit with your thoughts, and write down the words you’ve been longing to hear—imagining them coming from the person who hurt you. Be as detailed as possible in expressing the emotions and experiences that have shaped this moment. Afterward, write down how and why you forgive them. Remember, forgiveness isn’t about excusing their actions or releasing them from accountability; it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of the past. It’s okay if you’re not ready to forgive just yet—healing takes time, and you’re on your own unique journey.
- Talk
It’s easy to carry trauma as if it’s something to be ashamed of or a burden you have to bear alone. This may stem from keeping it a secret or from someone making you feel like it’s something to be ashamed of. But remember, this is not your burden to carry. Shift your inner dialogue from seeing yourself as a victim to recognizing yourself as a survivor. One powerful way to do this is by talking about it—whether with a trusted friend or a therapist.
Opening up about your trauma can not only lighten your heart, but it also creates space for others to share their own experiences. Your words hold strength. By sharing, you give others the gift of trust and vulnerability. You don’t have to face this journey alone. People care and want to be there for you.
- Identify your unhealthy coping mechanisms
When you catch yourself using an unhealthy coping mechanism, take a moment to write about it. Journal the events that led to it, how you reacted, and what you were feeling in that moment. Reflect on what you could have done differently. For example, you might have walked away from a conflict instead of addressing it. This could stem from childhood experiences where conflicts often led to abuse, making it feel safer to avoid confrontation.
It’s easy to say “I’m sorry” or walk away without discussing the issue, but that doesn’t resolve the underlying problem—it simply freezes the other person out. In your journal, write out what you could have said instead, and how that might have helped to resolve the conflict in a healthy way.
When you are ready, you can resurface the conversation with the person. You can bring it up in a light way. Starting a statement with “After having more time to think about what happened earlier, I would love the chance to discuss it further. I can’t always speak in the moment, but after having time to think about how I really feel, I would be happy to talk about it now, or at a time that works for you as well”.
While these coping mechanisms may have helped you survive trauma, holding onto them can keep you stuck in a toxic cycle. Healing means letting go of these habits and finding healthier ways to face challenges.
- Recognize reactions that are not proportionate to the event (Triggers) be honest with yourself as well as others when it occurs
Triggers are anything that can bring up memories of a traumatic event, sometimes without you even realizing it. These triggers can cause a reaction—either emotional or physical—that feels disproportionate to the situation, signaling that a past experience may be influencing your response.
For example, John was hiking with friends for the day and lost service. He had informed his girlfriend Stacy about his plans, including when he would be back. Despite knowing she couldn’t reach him, Stacy’s fear grew, reminding her of the car accident her parents were involved in. She became frantic, calling hospitals and feeling overwhelmed with anxiety. When John returned, Stacy was able to explain her fears and past trauma and lashed out at him.
Together, they made a plan to help manage future situations. John agreed that when he would be in an area with no service, he would call or text her both before and after his trip to ease her anxiety. Stacy also made a plan for herself: she would write down the details of John’s trip to help her visualize and feel more in control. When anxiety or triggers arose, she would call a friend for support and talk to her therapist about her experience.
Past trauma can distort the reality of a situation. Reach out to a friend for a second opinion saying “What do you think about this”? or “Should I be worried”? This can be a grounding technique to objectively see a situations.
- Let people know how they can support you
People can’t truly support you unless you show them how. A good starting point is to walk through potential scenarios with a therapist or a trusted friend, or partner discussing situations that feel challenging and what helps you get through them. For example, if you experience night terrors and your partner wants to comfort you by holding you, but being held makes things worse, it’s important to share what actually helps, like a cup of water or turning on a light.
Communicate openly with your partner about your feelings and let them know how they can assist you. Remember, people genuinely want to help, even if it’s difficult to let them in. It can feel like giving up control, and being vulnerable can be scary. But allowing someone to be there for you during these moments will strengthen your relationship. While others can’t carry you through every challenge, they can offer a hand to hold, comforting you along the way.
- Allow yourself to feel
Have you ever felt like the easiest way to handle something is to avoid dealing with it altogether? When emotions or thoughts come up, the instinct might be to push them down or distract yourself. But over time, this builds up and can lead to an emotional explosion when you eventually have to face it, making it feel completely out of your control.
By allowing yourself to feel emotions as they arise, you give yourself the chance to process and release them before they become overwhelming. It’s a way of honoring your feelings and creating space for healing, rather than letting them build up and take over.
There are different workbooks you can get to help. You can search workbooks for anxiety or CPTSD.
- Set up goals for yourself
Goals are a powerful way to work through emotions, build empowerment, and track your progress. They serve as reminders of how far you’ve come. For example, a goal could be something like reaching out to a friend or therapist for support. Maybe you’ve stopped doing a hobby you once loved, or you avoid certain places because they’re too painful—these are all areas where setting goals can help you take small steps toward healing.
Goals can be anything that encourages growth and helps you move forward, but they should never push you into situations that feel unsafe or harmful. Focus on what helps you heal and build a stronger, more confident version of yourself.
- Be apart of the cause
Volunteering at an organization that supports a cause close to your heart can be incredibly empowering. Whether it’s a shelter, group home, or any cause you’re passionate about, giving your time to something meaningful can help you feel connected to a larger purpose. It’s a powerful reminder that you are not alone in your struggles, and the positive impact you can make in others’ lives can also help heal and strengthen your own.
- Be easy on yourself
This list is much easier said than done—none of these actions are easy. Healing is a unique journey for everyone, and it often comes with challenges. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this process, and remind yourself that you deserve happiness, unconditional love, and peace. Progress may be slow at times, but each small step forward is an important part of your healing journey. Take it one day at a time and honor where you are.
If you have thoughts of self harm, please call the national sucicide hotline at 800-273-8255. Counselors are available 24/7.
Resources
Spirit Lives 