How To Attract Love

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

― Rumi

1. Be in a state of love through intention.

Sounds obvious, right? It’s easy to fall into the routine of going to work and coming home to watch Netflix or scroll through Instagram. But the best way to attract love into your life is to live in a state of love. Americans live in a state of burn out and silencing their inner voice. There is so much fire energy of being in a state of doing or creating. Ask yourself what you need moment to moment. Maybe it is Netflix, maybe it is slowing down the mind and body through meditation or tai chi. Listen to your inner voice. Feed your body through exercise, your heart through creativity, and your soul through intent.

2. Do your actions and your inner dialogue align? 

Everyone has their own vision of what love should look like. For some, it might involve a shared lifestyle with a partner and vision for the future. Do you want the same things, have the same habits?

How does your inner dialogue align with your reality? Do you say you want the picket fence but does it quietly make you anxious? Are you postponing it for “someday”?.

Are you shaping a future in the suburbs, or do you feel most at peace when living separately from a partner? Sometimes, the fantasy of a situation can outshine the reality.

Do not make the mistake of conforming your relationship to society’s idea of success that you may have adopted as your own.

Take a moment to reflect and write down your relationship goals versus when you feel happiest, whether in or out of a partnership.

3. Identify barriers 

Do you find yourself engaging only in physical interactions, AKA you just want to fuck? Perhaps you’re hesitant to commit or move beyond the physical stage. It might feel safer to keep things strictly about sex. Do you have rigid rules for the people you date, like saying, “I would never date someone who…”? By creating these relationship roadblocks, you could be shutting people out before truly getting to know them. Also, don’t date your check list.

Take a moment to reflect on what you’re afraid of or recognize patterns that keep holding you back. These patterns often serve a purpose, even if they’re unhealthy. They might act as protection or a defense mechanism, often rooted in childhood experiences or past trauma.

It’s time to let go of what no longer serves you. Use affirmations to support your growth. Becoming self-aware of these unhealthy behaviors is the first step toward breaking free from them and moving forward.

4. Acknowledge the impact of past relationships and limiting beliefs 

Every relationship leaves a mark, shaping you in some way. You discover what you like, what you don’t, and become more cautious about certain behaviors. Even the relationships you observed growing up, like your parents’, can have a lasting influence. Negative experiences with love can create limiting beliefs about what you allow into your heart.

These beliefs often show up as generalizations—like assumptions about marriage. For instance, it’s okay not to want to get married, but it’s important to understand why. Is it because you genuinely feel it’s unnecessary, or is it rooted in the impact of your parents’ divorce?

Having strong, passionate beliefs is natural, but understanding where they come from helps you recognize if they’re healthy or if they stem from fear. Self-awareness gives you the power to break free from limiting thoughts and approach relationships with clarity and openness.

Make a list of your hard no’s. Behaviors or circumstances you would never tolerate in another. Analyze where these come from. Are you swinging too far one way to avoid a “Type” you have dated in the past or a fear of becoming your parents?

5. Love yourself

You are a complex, beautiful human being, worthy of unconditional love. Yet, your inner voice can often be your harshest critic, saying things you wouldn’t even say to an enemy. From self-doubt about your appearance to questioning your intelligence, feelings of unworthiness can take root and grow. Maybe it started with a parent’s words or the taunts of a childhood bully, but it’s important to remember this: you are more than enough. You are deserving of all the love the world has to offer.

One way to nurture this truth is by starting a gratitude journal focused on your actions and achievements. Recognizing what you do well can help strengthen your sense of worthiness. Incorporating daily affirmations can also feed positivity into your mindset. Seeking support—whether through therapy, talking with a friend, or journaling—can provide a healing outlet.

The first step to inviting more love into your life is learning to love yourself—mind, body, and soul. You don’t need a partner to feel complete; you are already whole. Write down what you miss about being in a relationship, then find ways to fulfill those desires on your own. Whether it’s traveling, rock climbing, or attending parties, set goals and conquer them! You are all you’ll ever need, and the love you give yourself will always be your foundation.